“I lack confidence.”

We have all heard it before, but do we really believe that we lack confidence?

I have never been confident, and I know I am not alone in this situation.

However, I always wanted to know why my belief was not there, and what I could do to change that.

In the book, “Take Charge of Your Life” by Jack Canfield, states:

“Success is a natural by-product of confidence, not a matter of pretending to have it or of having a false set of beliefs about yourself.”

Yet, we still tell ourselves that we don’t have the confidence.

According to Martin Seligman, “Confidence is essential to achievement.”

This book helps us look at our lives from a completely different point of view. We learn how to change the way we think and the way we think about ourselves and others.

As a life coach, I know how to help people with confidence issues, so I decided to take a look at this and figure out what really makes us not confident.

Let’s go to the root cause of why we lack confidence and find the solution to our problems.

What it means to lack confidence

In Napoli

When you are lacking confidence, you start to think differently, act differently and the world around you doesn’t seem right.

It is almost like you are an outcast and feel like the world is against you.

What is the reason for your lack of confidence?

There are many reasons for lack of confidence, and I will list a few:

  • You Don’t Know Who You Are or Who You Were.
  • You have spent your whole life trying to fit in.
  • Your confidence is dependent on the approval of others and their opinion of you.
  • You feel like there are too many things in your life that are holding you back.
  • You feel that you are taking the easy way out in life and there is more to you than meets the eye.
  • You lack discipline and are coasting through life not fully present.
  • There is too much unknown in your life, and you fear what may be behind the next door.
  • You have taken on too much responsibility without the right skills and education.
  • You have too many bills and don’t know how to get out of debt.
  • You have too many negative people in your life that keep you down.
  • You are hiding behind your ego and pride that you don’t know what you want or what you want to do with your life.
  • You are afraid of facing your fears.

There are many more reasons, but this list is important to remember because it is what really causes a lack of confidence.

The first reason that causes a lack of confidence is one that we all have.

We all had to lose our confidence one time or another.

It can be as big or as small as a girl’s first time on a bike, or as large or as small as a career change.

The more something is difficult, the more the root of your lack of confidence shows.

Lack of confidence is a habit

woman pointing using her right hand

As humans, we are creatures of habit and once we do something a certain way, we stop trusting ourselves to make decisions.

We make mistakes and find ourselves in a position where we are fearful of trying to do the same thing again.

A young boy was playing outside when the parents came out and told him it was time to come in for dinner.

“But I want to stay out longer,” said the young boy.

The parents walked outside and talked to the young boy and told him he needed to come in before it got dark.

The young boy replied, “But, you told me I could stay outside as long as I wanted.”

“No,” said the father, “it is dinner time. We want to eat, and dinner is in front of the house. We want you to come in so we can have a nice family dinner.”

The little boy didn’t believe what he heard, so he stayed outside longer.

The young boy didn’t have the confidence to come in and eat with the rest of the family.

So the young boy ran back to his house and continued playing. As the sun went down, the young boy ran back to his house. He was still outside.

When the parents came outside, they found the young boy still outside.

The parents tried to reason with the young boy and asked him to come inside, but the young boy replied, “But I told you I could stay out longer.”

The parents felt terrible for the young boy and called for a car to take the little boy home. He never went to the restaurant with the family and stayed outside playing even longer into the night.

When the family came home, they found the young boy still outside

Love above all. My son and I. A picture taken in my mother’s house in Kinshasa

At first, the parents were very disappointed in their son’s lack of trust.

They thought he needed to come in and eat dinner because it was time for dinner.

But that wasn’t the case. The family wanted to have a nice dinner as a family.

So the family tried to reason with the little boy and then they gave him a gift. They let him stay outside and play until the next morning.

In this situation, the young boy had lost trust in himself.

He thought the father was angry with him for not coming in for dinner and he didn’t know what to do with himself.

When he stayed outside all night, he lost the ability to make good decisions.

He lost trust in himself and began making decisions that led to less confidence.

When we lose trust in ourselves, we can’t make good decisions, which affects our confidence and ability to grow.

That lack of confidence then leads to mistakes and regrets.