Self-sabotage happens when we sabotage what we want, what we want to get, and how we want to get it.
By sabotaging our own goals, values, or other people, we are also sabotaging our own value as an individual.
Self-sabotage may be described as many things depending on context.
It may be described as something that people are often doing (I know I do this from time to time).
It may be said that we do it without intending to and have no idea how we did it, and it may be said that people sometimes do it on purpose (I did this to hurt you, I knew I would hurt you, but I did it anyway).
So why do we self-sabotage in relationships?
If we identify the main reasons for self-sabotage in relationships, we will likely uncover some common threads.
Here are the biggest culprits, the biggest causes of self-sabotage in relationships.
What does it mean to be “over” someone?
It usually means you’ve had enough.
You are done with the emotional blackmail, the excuses, the bullshit, the gaslighting, and emotional abuse, and you are now just done.
When we say we are “over” someone, we are saying that we are not going to tolerate another emotional or physical betrayal, or another argument, or another of those many small things that all add up to emotional abuse or manipulation.
So why do we say this?
We say it to ourselves. We say it to justify our decision to move on.
When we say we are “over” someone, we are claiming that “I deserve better”.
We are saying that we deserve someone who treats us better. Someone kinder, gentler, more supportive, and more emotionally available.
We are also saying that our partner is not good for us, they are toxic, they are bad for us, and we are not going to tolerate them anymore.
I don’t want to be a part of your “sh*t life”
I’m assuming you all know the extent to which the “you” in this statement can change depending on the context.
It doesn’t matter if you are saying “I’m over you” as in, I am over your broken promises, the way you acted hurt me, the way you refuse to communicate with me, the way you are always pissing me off.
“I’m over you” is not always the correct choice of words.
It could also be said as, I’m over you because I don’t want to be a part of your toxic friends’ lives, I don’t want to be around your emotional/mental illness, I don’t want to be part of your whole life drama and drama.
Let’s take a look at the “I’m over you” statement in a different context.
Your partner just cheated on you. You are just so over it.
You know that no one else could compare to the wonderful person that they were, so you’re over it.
Your partner is making you go out with his or her friends so they can gossip and get in fights, all while you are standing there on the side watching.
Your partner is creating drama where there isn’t any and is keeping you in the middle of it all. Your partner is showing you your partner’s “other life” all the time.
This statement sounds like the point of it was that they are no good for you, and you don’t want to have anything to do with their life or with them anymore.
“I am not Ready For a Relationship”
This can mean many things. Sometimes it’s that they aren’t in the mood for a relationship, they aren’t looking for one, they aren’t ready for one, they are done with relationships.
There are other times when we say we are “not ready for a relationship” because we are not ready to settle down yet.
We aren’t ready for monogamous relationships or to be in a relationship and be committed.
Again, the fact that we even say this can be an indication of our state of mind, but we can also just be being honest.
We might not even be in a relationship, and just think we are ready for a relationship.
Take responsibility for your actions
For example, if you’re constantly making digs, it means that you don’t know how to treat someone kindly.
Forgive yourself for your mistake and stop blaming the other person for your actions.
Own your mistakes and take responsibility for them.
Self-sabotage is an illusion and it’s all about increasing your negative thoughts and energy and blocking yourself from seeing the positive side.
If you feel jealous, stop yourself from making an emotional connection. Allow yourself to love yourself, respect yourself and give yourself space.
Accept the things that you can’t change
Try and be conscious of the things that you can’t change and focus on the things that you can change.
For example, if you’re jealous and negative, notice how you’re feeling and take a minute to put yourself in the shoes of the person that you’re jealous about.
Notice the positive about them, if they have good intentions towards you, instead of focusing on the negative.