We all seek validation in our relationships and for different reasons.
Some seek validation to avoid conflict, while others are seeking to feel wanted.
When you can identify these motivations, you can become more conscious and control them.
What is validation?
What most people often associate with validation is to receive praise from others.
However, most people are not seeking validation when they seek this type of expression.
Many people seek validation for their intelligence, looks, accomplishments, and other aspects of themselves.
When someone says “You’re smart,” this isn’t exactly validation because the focus isn’t on the validity of the words being spoken.
It’s the recognition of their ability to recognize that fact.
Another type of validation comes when you get a compliment from another person.
Again, it’s just a label given to you that establishes a belief that is associated with you.
The first kind of validation is an expression of acceptance that recognizes the fact that you exist in the world.
The second is an expression of love that identifies the fact that you love someone.
How to stop seeking validation in relationships
What makes the difference between what is good for you and what is damaging? It’s your motivation.
If you are seeking validation to avoid conflict, this is good and will only strengthen your relationships with people that care about you.
However, if you are seeking validation because you don’t want to be in the relationship, then you should end it immediately.
To truly be happy in your relationship, you need to be focused on the relationship itself and not yourself.
If your focus is on yourself, then this will create situations that lead to you feeling unattractive, insecure, and unsatisfied.
You will be so consumed with yourself that you can’t experience love with your partner.
Your relationships will suffer because you will miss out on what your partner is offering you.
If you want to start being mindful of your relationships and what you desire, then here are some suggestions:
1. Spend time with your partner
Most people find it easier to communicate with others when they are alone.
This is because the focus is on you and your partner and not on you and your friends.
This is why so many relationships collapse when one partner becomes more focused on their friends than their partner.
Spend more time with your partner and don’t neglect your relationship.
There are times when you may need to communicate with your partner, and then there are times when you can just be together.
Notice what type of communication it is that is helpful for you and then embrace it.
2. Tell your partner what you need
This may seem strange, but most people ignore what is best for them because they think that their partner should know what it is that they need.
If you need alone time, then this should be obvious.
But if you need to listen to music or watch a movie on your own, then you should inform your partner. It’s better to ask for what you need than to not tell your partner what you need.
Letting your partner know what you need will only strengthen the relationship.
Many people believe that sharing your emotions will end the relationship, but it will actually strengthen the relationship.
3. Give your partner space
The people in your life are trying to do their best. They don’t want to lose you and want to make you happy.
Most people neglect to accept this fact and instead insist on getting their way.
You need to give your partner space. People will always expect you to do things together.
It may be because they think that you are lonely if you don’t spend time with them.
But if you ask them to join you, then you should be allowed to do the things that you enjoy.
4. Talk to your partner
If your partner is being emotionally unavailable, then you need to communicate.
In fact, if they are trying to be dismissive and unresponsive, then you need to communicate with them.
Sometimes people think that they can “keep you trapped” in a relationship when you ask for space, but this is usually a sign that they are trying to distance themselves from you.
Don’t allow yourself to get into a relationship with someone that is using you.
5. Don’t be afraid to take action
What is the hardest part about having boundaries?
Is it not knowing where they begin and you end? Or is it the act of trying to set boundaries?
When you make a decision to put up a boundary and state it clearly, people will often resist it.
What I suggest is that you take action and follow through on what you have set as boundaries.
If you feel like you are being ignored or pushed away by your partner, then you can put a stop to it by taking action.
Have you ever experienced a situation like this? Let us know in the comment section below.