Whether you are an avid social media user or prefer to keep your relationships to yourself, you probably experience moments when you feel envious of others dating, friendships, or even marriages.
While it’s natural to be jealous, as you watch people get married or have relationships that are similar to your own, it’s also normal to want what they have.
While jealousy can be a good thing, it can also be a destructive force to your happiness and your relationship with others.
It makes you feel like you are missing out on something. It stops you from seeing other people for who they really are and what they have to offer.
It turns you into a toxic person who tries to seek others’ approval because you feel like you are not happy.
Here are seven things that keep you from feeling okay about yourself.
1. You’re always minding others’ business
Jealousy comes from wanting to be in control of others. If you feel envious of someone, then your mind will constantly be on what that person has that you don’t.
Think about the things you do that you feel jealous about: Your partner’s job that pays more, your friend who gets more attention, your ex who is more famous than you, your college roommate who is more successful than you.
All of these things start to feel like you are lacking in something.
While jealousy is not necessarily a bad thing, it is usually when your thoughts are constantly thinking of others that you start to feel guilty, and then those feelings of guilt are the last things that you want to feel.
2. You are resentful
Jealousy comes from anger. If you have a bad relationship, it is more likely that you will find yourself jealous, because of the badness of the relationship.
For example, you may be jealous of your partner’s job and relationship because they get to be away from you. Or you may be jealous of a close friend because they seem to have the perfect relationship.
You may even find yourself jealous of the attention and time you spend with your partner or friend. Jealousy can also come from being resentful of other people.
Are you jealous of your ex because you feel like you were the one who was hurt in the relationship?
Are you jealous of your best friend because you feel like she is taking you for granted?
Are you jealous of your college roommate because you feel like she is getting more attention from your boyfriend than you are?
3. You are afraid of losing what others have
Another important thing to remember is that jealousy is only a problem when you allow yourself to be jealous.
Jealousy is a simple chemical reaction. It doesn’t feel good to be jealous, but it will do you no good.
Being jealous is only going to make you upset and angry and spread those emotions throughout your body.
It is a futile attempt to not be happy and will make you feel guilty for feeling this way. You need to be happy with what you have.
4. You think your partner is affecting other people
If your partner is not on the same level as you, then jealousy will come into play. Instead of being jealous of their partner, be jealous of them.
Imagine that you have a shoe that is way better than theirs, and they have a nice pair of shoes, but you feel horrible and try to cover it up.
You convince yourself that you are trying to feel better, but the fact of the matter is that you are trying to hold on to the feelings of sadness.
You are saying, “I want what they have so I’m going to be jealous of them.” By showing this constant jealousy, you are actually making yourself feel worse.
You are reminding yourself that you are not as good as your partner, and telling yourself that you are not worth anything.
5. You aren’t truly being your authentic self
There is no one way to be confident.
There are many ways to show a true part of yourself, and even though some of them may come off as being annoying or dramatic, those are the real ways that you feel confident.
If you are not being your real self, then you are basically saying that you aren’t confident.
Being genuinely excited to do something or not letting someone take your attention away from you is the mark of being confident.
Some people may take this to mean being over the top or trying to appear confident when they aren’t.
The opposite of being confident is trying to look confident. You are not going to look confident if you try too hard to look confident.
People will just see that you are trying too hard to fake it.
6. You won’t ask for more
Ask for what you want. There is no need to beg. Being out of the habit of asking for things that you want means that you are constantly thinking that you are unworthy of them.
Jealousy is bad, but asking for things that you want can still be a good thing.
There is a difference between being polite and being ignorant.
Being polite can come off as being pretentious, but being ignorant comes off as trying to show off or looking arrogant.