To start the learning process, you’ll need a few scenarios. But if you want to be a real-life relationship model you can start here:
Your career. You love what you do, but you’re not doing it for the money.
You probably work for a small firm or one that is actually doing something, rather than marketing soap, travel tours, and software.
This has the added benefit of not being a soulless corporation.
You love what you do, but you’re not doing it for the money
You probably work for a small firm or one that is actually doing something, rather than marketing soap, travel tours, and software.
This has the added benefit of not being a soulless corporation. Your kids’ school.
You are involved with the PTA and have been for over a decade. You volunteer as a room parent, and you also go to your child’s classroom once a week.
You’ve worked with the PTA president for most of your daughter’s life and you trust her implicitly.
But she is no longer leading the PTA and you are a little lost as to what’s next.
You are involved with the PTA and have been for over a decade. You volunteer as a room parent, and you also go to your child’s classroom once a week.
You’ve worked with the PTA president for most of your daughter’s life and you trust her implicitly.
But she is no longer leading the PTA and you are a little lost as to what’s next. A local coffee shop.
You really love your local coffee shop, but you’re not sure it’s going to survive for much longer. What’s the best way to help it when you’re not there?
Does it make sense for your career to be dominated by things that require your full attention?
Does your son’s school or coffee shop need volunteers?
The biggest mistake I see people make is assuming that one relationship is better than another and that they have more time and energy to devote to one relationship than to another.
All relationships are relative to the amount of time, money, or energy you’ve put into them, and all relationships require compromise.
For instance, will you try to raise more money for your son’s school than for the coffee shop?
Will you pitch in at your son’s school and help with the PTA’s fundraiser? If not, then you’re probably best focusing on your career.
On the other hand, if you’re happy where you are and there’s nothing wrong with the coffee shop, then you might want to put some money in the coffee shop’s donation jar and put some more time and energy into the PTA.
Your decision depends on how much you like your coffee shop, how much you value volunteering, and how much you value the fact that your son’s school is having a fundraiser.
And this is where it gets tricky. If you don’t really care about the coffee shop, then you probably don’t need to volunteer at all.
The effort you put in there is just a byproduct of your relationship with the school and your son, so it doesn’t make sense to expend more effort than necessary.
This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t do things that your other relationships also care about.
It just means that you don’t have to make the sacrifice of time and energy to volunteer.
On the other hand, if you’re passionate about the school and volunteering at the coffee shop is important to you, then it makes sense to put in the effort at both.
You’ll sacrifice one relationship if you make the sacrifice of time and energy at the other.
And in the end, the benefit will be bigger because you are putting in the extra work and not just relying on your spouse’s love for the coffee shop to give you the incentive to volunteer there.
Who you volunteer for depends largely on the value of the relationship
It might make sense to give all your time and energy to your kids’ school so that you’re there to support them and the teachers.
Or you might need to give more to the PTA because it’s a vital part of your son’s education.
If your role at your son’s school makes you a valuable asset to the community and the teachers, then giving more of your time and energy to the PTA will make it a more valuable asset to your community and the teachers.
You might want to double up and volunteer at both of them to spread your responsibilities as well as your skills.
You might say that your family’s emotional well-being would suffer if you don’t volunteer at the coffee shop.
But I say it depends. Maybe your coffee shop doesn’t have an efficient process for making coffee.
Or maybe the coffee isn’t good. Or maybe your boss doesn’t like you.
In these cases, just hanging around the shop isn’t going to help your emotional well-being.
By all means, stop by, but don’t expect it to help you emotionally. You might just walk out in a bad mood.
If you want to volunteer at your son’s school, however, your overall feeling about the school will increase if you volunteer at the school.
If the school is strong and the teachers are good, you’re going to feel like you can relax. Maybe that means making jokes and laughing with your son’s friends.
Maybe it means making the effort to participate in activities with your son. Or maybe it means volunteering in the classroom.
It’s your choice, but if you give everything you’ve got at your son’s school, you’re likely to feel a bit more relaxed in your everyday life.
