Asian Man and Asian Woman standing and smiling near white background.

You can be a public speaker, a teacher, or a close friend. Everyone who loves to share their thoughts with the world has a challenge in this area.

It’s how they understand what they are talking about. They need to do something to become confident and competent in what they have to say.

Although this is an area where we can be confident, too many people just go through life without really being equipped to communicate with confidence and knowledge.

There are several challenges to overcome to become a good communicator

three women sitting wooden bench by the tulip flower field

To become a good communicator, you have to have good listening skills. Listening is the most important element in communication.

Without good listening skills, you cannot understand what is being said. You will just be regurgitating what you have been told or heard.

Great communication also requires good writing skills.

In addition to good listening skills, good writing skills will make it easy for you to convey your thoughts to others. You do not need a Ph.D. in English to become a good writer.

Don’t mind a little lack of confidence

As people, we all have moments where we question ourselves. It is part of being human.

It’s a natural part of having to face one’s fears and weaknesses.

When this happens, make sure that you give yourself the gift of time. We have to take time to think.

A lot of people say that that is the worst advice ever given to people, but I think it’s the best advice, and it’s the most effective.

It’s just that sometimes we don’t know how to do this well, and our guard is up, our internal dialogue is completely focused on self-doubt.

This is not a bad thing. When people say that they don’t know how to accomplish something, it’s because they haven’t practiced it enough.

It’s called experience. When you practice something, the fear and the doubt diminishes.

For example, have you ever started to run and then discovered that you forgot how to breathe?

Or how to open your lungs? Or how to run your legs?

No, you haven’t, but you are starting to because you have started to try. You are doing your best, and that is progress.

The same is true when we communicate. No matter how experienced or skilled we are, we all have our moments of failure.

The difference between someone who succeeds and someone who fails is that the second person understands that this was their first time.

Take the prompt

Laughing by the tracks

When I speak at conferences, I ask for a prompt. “Who is the most famous person you have ever met?”

“Who do you think has the best car?” or “Who do you think is a good chef?” We fill them out.

The idea is not to decide for the person. It is to allow them to express themselves and begin to conclude.

This is where it starts. What can you learn about this person, what made them tick, what is their background, their likes, and dislikes?

Is this person good with people or bad? We also collect these prompts at work.

When we are asked to do something, we can use the prompts to help us determine what we should do.

This does not mean that you need to ask the question every time you meet somebody new.

It just means that when you get the opportunity, you should be able to walk away from the conversation with at least some knowledge.

People who use prompts are much more likely to get to the truth.

Appreciate Their Opinion

We get so upset when people don’t agree with us. It’s like we have to scream for attention.

Our first response is always anger. Yes, people are not always going to agree with us, and I think this is part of the problem with us.

We can’t even like ourselves, so we must put ourselves in someone else’s shoes.

If we knew that they thought we were a nice person, perhaps we would treat them more kindly. It’s the nice people that we can’t stand.

Instead of trying to use anger as a communication tool, ask them what they think.

I call this my I-hope-you-got-the-greatest-reaction-to-a-communicated-sentence approach.

If they don’t have anything nice to say, smile and listen.

Then ask them if they would have a conversation with you. This allows you to change your perspective.

Perhaps if they had to sit in silence for a bit, they would have reconsidered their initial opinion.

Getting over the fear of others is very important

Love above all. My son and I. A picture taken in my mother’s house in Kinshasa

Most of us aren’t bad people. We are good people who have certain weaknesses, and that’s why we have to work on communication.

When we are uncomfortable with something, we don’t want to talk about it. But we cannot learn from the past if we don’t talk about it.

If we are not comfortable discussing something, how can we learn from the past?

The conversation is the mother of learning. If we want to be better communicators, we have to talk about what we know.

Remember, you can always say that you did something, but unless you talk about what you are thinking, there is no way to grow.

And talking and talking and talking does have value.

For many of us, talking is not natural. We grew up being quiet. There was an expectation of silence in our home.

Because of this, we don’t know how to communicate the way we should. We need to experience this new environment.

By going out and socializing, we develop confidence and lose our fear of communicating.