Everyone does it! We expect a little bit too much, are too reliant on social media, are very bad about dealing with change, and even get disappointed by good things.
Let’s start with expectations, in relationships. It’s hard not to have them; after all, you are a human being who hopes to be satisfied with the relationship.
But one of the most insidious issues that a lot of people deal with in their relationships is this thinking that if a relationship is good, it’s enough.
People go about living without expecting anything from others and expect nothing in return. No drama, no drama, no drama.
We say we are going to be happy and it’s all good. And then people meet the person that they get into a relationship with and if it’s good, then they get excited.
But then a series of events shows that this is not good. Something tragic happens that shakes their entire foundation and it becomes evident that a relationship can not live.
With a history of this, we learn that a good relationship will never happen. It is so much better to be alone. We are scared of being alone. We are terrified.
But there is nothing to be scared of if you know how to handle it. If you have learned how to not expect from the relationship.
The trap of expecting everything and getting nothing
You see, we have this complex “less is more” mindset. Things are good and life is good and it’s a simple life.
We feel safe. This means we take things for granted.
They’re good, so we assume they always will be. If the relationship is going to be bad, it has to be all our fault.
No one would be so stupid and look where it got them.
It’s because we don’t have a basis for disappointment.
That little part of our brain that knows things will be OK that says, “Okay, there are risks in life.
If you’re not willing to take a chance on life, then I don’t think you are healthy. But how can you expect to be happy with your life if you never take risks?”
This isn’t all bad, because it does keep us alert. We know we will get some risks in our lives.
We also know that we have many years of life ahead of us, so we can live like there are no limits.
But what if that’s not enough for you?
What if you are already waiting for the worse to happen because you just don’t want to be alive right now?
When this happens, you know that you have to go back to the foundation of your life.
You have to take time to analyze why you think you want to live in a certain way. Why does it matter that much that someone else is in your life?
Because you have always wanted it? What does that actually mean?
Where do you draw the line? What’s the value you?
What is good for you? What do you expect from other people?
What do you expect of yourself? Who am I?
Who do I want to be? Who do I like? Who can I learn from?
What is my contribution? What is important to me?
These are the questions we should be asking. Not every day, but often.
If there is a day we don’t do this, we are missing out on what makes us who we are and what we want to be.
We can’t expect to find happiness in a relationship if we are not happy with ourselves
When we look at others, our focus should be on what we can do for them.
I know people who cannot connect with people because they expect people to give them something they don’t have.
So when you start to figure out what that is for you, don’t be surprised if you find that it’s the same thing for them.
Don’t be surprised if you find that it’s more for them than you could ever do.
There are wonderful people out there and the ones who are right for you might have already found them.
But they will not stay in your life if you keep on looking for more and don’t first dig in and try to get at the core.
When you do this, you will be surprised at what comes up. I know that it might not happen the same for everyone, but it’s what will happen for you.
There is no limit to what you can learn about yourself and other people. Because once you do this, you will be surprised by what you find.
You will be surprised by how you were always looking for other people to do everything for you and you will wonder why you did it.
This is a huge part of why some relationships don’t work out. They were never really based on a foundation that was true to them.
The power of relationships is not in getting the attention you want. The power of relationships is in giving them to the people you care about.
If you’re in a relationship that’s not working out, it might be that the other person is not doing things for you that you value.
If that’s the case, it’s time to look at what’s going on in your life and see if there is something that can be done to change that.
If it is because of a lack of foundation in your life, it’s time to change the way you think about your life and see if you can gain some perspective.
Of course, there is no guarantee that things will get better. Sometimes things just get worse.
But you have to remember, this too shall pass.