Relationship anxiety or phobia can interfere with a person’s ability to make romantic decisions, even though they know that it’s healthy to engage in healthy romantic relationships. In some cases, it can prevent people from forming relationships at all.
So what are some of the reasons that it can be scary to be in a relationship?
- You’re afraid you won’t find love, despite your constant pursuit of potential partners.
- You can’t tell if your partner really loves you or if they’re just being nice because you’re a comfortable person to hang out with.
- You’re afraid of a new life that is unfamiliar and that may be unpredictable.
- You don’t know what you want in a relationship, despite being fully aware of what a healthy relationship looks like.
- You’re afraid of spending all of your time and energy on a romantic relationship when you could be doing more meaningful things.
But there is a way to stop being scared of relationships, and it requires some skill, as well as a lot of self-knowledge and experience. This is why I think that getting counseling, coaching, and/or therapy is a good first step.
The reason it can be so difficult to get rid of your fear of relationships is that it is a fear
Fear makes us think in ways that we don’t usually think, and/or make decisions that we would normally avoid.
“I’m nervous about being alone!” we say to ourselves. Or, “It seems like everyone I meet is getting married or has a significant other!”
And as humans, we naturally avoid the idea of dying alone. It’s too scary for us, so we rationalize by rationalizing.
But fear isn’t rational. It’s irrational.
And once you get over the fear and start seeing it for what it is, you can get out of the way of your thinking and start moving towards healthier patterns of thinking.
And part of moving toward healthier patterns of thinking is to understand and be in tune with your fears.
Fear is a powerful emotion that can be detrimental when it is allowed to interfere with a person’s ability to make rational and rationalizing decisions.
Fear of relationships is such an example of this.
There are a few ways that fear of relationships can negatively affect a person’s life, and then there are the same few ways that fear of other negative emotions can negatively affect a person’s life.
In the end, fear of relationships is the most persistent.
So if you are concerned that you might not have enough romantic relationships in your life to satisfy your need for love, ask yourself how that feels.
What’s the worst that could happen?
Your fear of relationships can be a real barrier to meeting new people.
You might find it hard to ask people out on dates, or even to ask someone for help with something.
To remedy this, you can take small steps. Start with trying to get out of the house more often and actively seek out others and try to befriend them.
If that doesn’t work, try asking people who aren’t your friends out. You might get rejected, but you may learn a lot about yourself from these encounters.
The truth is that romantic relationships are scary, and getting into them is scary.
Once you accept that, and once you realize that getting into a relationship is as scary for you as death, you can get over your fear of relationships.
If you are scared of getting into a relationship, these strategies will likely be helpful:
Get help to reduce your fears
A successful relationship is never just one person’s responsibility.
Your partner is as scared as you are, and maybe even more scared.
You both need to be in it for the long haul and you both need to be willing to fight for the relationship.
At this point, it can be easy to fall back on the exact reasons you’re scared and focus on them, which will tend to make you feel even more scared.
But what you need to remember is that to get over your fears, you need to acknowledge them and then focus on what you can do to reduce them.
Get counseling, coaching, or therapy
A few things that you can do to reduce your fear to attend therapy or counseling.
It’s amazing how much better you feel after getting some professional guidance to deal with things.
Even if you have a loved one who is a therapist, you may not realize how much help you can get by seeking some professional guidance.
Your therapist can work with you to problem solve and learn how to alleviate your fears.
If this is something that you would like to try, it’s a good idea to discuss your concerns with a psychologist or a counselor.
There are plenty of reputable resources online that will provide you with helpful information about local counseling services.
If you do decide to try this, don’t just “stop in” and never go back.
Even if you don’t do it daily, even if you don’t see a therapist or a counselor every week, it’s a good idea to make it a part of your routine and to see how you feel.