A lot of people think emotionally opening someone up involves sleazy tactics, creepy tactics, over the top ways to encourage emotional bonding.
It isn’t. Instead, it’s about understanding how to get someone to feel comfortable with sharing their emotions, instead of being terrified of sharing.
One of the most obvious approaches that can get you somewhere with someone is talking about themselves.
What drives them? What motivates them? What are their core values?
Why do they do the things they do? And the answer to that last question is often all it takes to get someone to emotionally open up to you.
So you ask a few questions and they start sharing
A great way to start this process is to be completely open and vulnerable, as well.
Be totally honest with yourself. Don’t worry about how the other person will respond to this.
Don’t get carried away with your own ideas of how they will respond. Start from the position of:
“I want you to tell me everything about yourself. I am going to give you complete control.”
This type of approach gives people complete control, and it will give them no choice but to open up to you.
But this is only the first step. After you’ve gotten them to emotionally open up, you need to be able to go deeper.
You need to create a context for the other person to relate to emotionally.
The context in all its glory
So you’ve got someone to emotionally open up, and now you’re in a good position to get them to relate to you.
This is one of the most powerful ways to use context in your life to create an emotional connection with others.
In a simple sense, context is all about establishing rules for how people should behave in your life.
You create context by describing the people you’re within in a way that makes them want to behave in a certain way.
You are setting a standard for behavior. You are creating an ideal situation that enables a person to be emotionally open and vulnerable.
And it works.
How to get someone to get emotional with you
It’s common knowledge that if you want to have an emotional connection with someone, you have to engage in some kind of active communication.
You have to speak with them. You have to listen to them. You have to care about what they’re saying.
And you have to genuinely want what they’re saying.
All that being said, when it comes to getting someone to emotionally open up, there’s another kind of active communication that can be equally powerful but doesn’t get as much attention as active communication.
This active communication is listening.
Listening to someone, really listening, is perhaps the most important skill you can have with another human being.
I’ve previously talked about how listening to your emotions is the most important skill you can learn, and it’s not just something you have to learn.
You naturally learn to listen to people
You learn to listen by being completely present when you’re around other people.
By giving yourself over to the other person’s world for a few minutes.
You take an active, intuitive approach that gives you total control over what you are hearing.
You’re as hands-on as you need to be, and you’re still able to process what you’re hearing clearly.
This is active listening. And it’s incredibly powerful.
It’s the most powerful way to create a connection with someone else.
It takes time and patience. But it works.
When you listen to someone, take an active, intuitive approach that gives you complete control over what you are hearing.
You’re as hands-on as you need to be, and you’re still able to process what you’re hearing clearly.
This is active listening. And it’s incredibly powerful. It’s the most powerful way to create a connection with someone else.
This is especially important if you’re starting to develop a deep, emotional connection with someone else.
No one likes a brat
If someone isn’t getting to emotionally open up with you, there’s a good chance it’s because they’re feeling pressured to be vulnerable.
If you really want to get someone to emotionally open up, the only way to do it is to create an emotionally open environment where they can emotionally open up with you.
Once someone is emotionally open with you, they’re going to feel safe.
They’re going to feel supported. They’re going to feel comfortable.
And they’re more likely to open up with you.
So what is an emotionally open environment?
It’s when you set the rules for your environment and you stick to those rules. No “but”s. No “ifs.”
You take control of the situation and you stick to your standards
If someone is having a tough time, for example, you might tell them that they have to show up when they say they’re going to.
If they’re not available, or not able to be available at the moment, you let them know that you need to leave, that you’re meeting someone else for lunch, that you have to go to work, or you’re not available for the rest of the day.
You set the rules for your environment. You know that it’s unacceptable to do something, and you set the consequences for when you break those rules.
Not everyone is comfortable with that approach. But when you approach the world this way, you set a powerful example.
You show the world that you are not going to tolerate any bullshit.
So you need to create an environment in which everyone can be themselves.
And that environment includes setting the boundaries around your behavior, setting the consequences for when you don’t live up to your own standards, and setting the boundaries around other people’s behavior.
