You may never fully get over a breakup, but you can learn to.
If you can accept that your breakup was healthy, that you were both in the wrong, and that you are both happier now, you’re more likely to have a healthier, more fulfilling love life.
The first step in this process is to accept that you’ll never get over the relationship itself.
There’s no fixing the past, no moving on, no forgetting what you lost. You’ll never forget it. You’ll never fully heal from it.
But, you can learn to live with the loss, which is what getting over someone actually means.
Everyone goes through a breakup. Some of you will suffer through two.
Some of you will suffer through one and then go through a string of unfulfilling relationships to forget it.
I’ve personally had six in total and I’ve probably made a pretty awful first impression on my future partners.
I’m not saying these are all excuses. Relationships are hard, and they can hurt. I’m also not saying that I have it better than anyone else.
I know many people who have been dumped after they spent years investing in the relationship and/or were blindsided by the breakup.
This is a real reality of life. It just takes work to get over your ex-partner.
Get the hard stuff out of the way
Maybe you’re a bit nervous about getting over someone you’ve loved for years.
Maybe you’ve got some baggage that you’re holding onto for dear life.
Maybe you’re worried that you’re going to stay single forever after suffering through a breakup that lasted longer than necessary.
I get it. I’ve been there. You can be paranoid, stressed out, and sick over the thought of getting over someone.
Don’t let yourself be. You are not doomed.
For me, the anxiety I felt surrounding the idea of being single was the real killer.
I was certain I wouldn’t find another relationship that felt right, and I was terrified that I would end up alone forever.
But, the anxiety was warranted because there are some elements of getting over your ex that can put you at higher risk for heartbreak.
Don’t let your anxiety become a barrier to your healing process. If you’re struggling with the idea of moving on, you’re doing it wrong. In my experience, you can do this. You have to do it.
If you’re in love with someone, you don’t want to wait forever before getting back together with them. If you’re willing to deal with the drama that comes with being in a new relationship, you should be dating.
It’s not the right time to be dating right now, but don’t think you have to wait. You won’t be heartbroken forever.
You just need to get through the first few months and then you can start focusing on a new person.
Figure out the why
You probably want a break from your ex, but you may be waiting for that break to start moving on with someone new, or trying to make a clean break so that you can move on in a healthier way.
That’s a waste of time. You can’t wait for a breakup to happen to get over your ex.
You have to let go before a breakup happens.
Take the time to figure out why you’re grieving and what the new relationship is offering you.
Is it a chance to have a new kind of relationship? Is it a chance to be with someone new who brings a whole new set of exciting experiences?
What would you be missing out on if you stayed with your ex? Get these things out of the way, and you can move on much more easily.
Learn to work through your emotions
There’s an argument in the social science world that says that avoiding emotions is the healthiest way to deal with your feelings.
While it makes sense, I disagree with this. Feelings are complicated, and the one thing we know for sure is that emotions are fundamental to our ability to grow as people.
They help us form connections, learn, and deal with situations.
When you’re dealing with the pain of losing someone, it’s perfectly normal to feel overwhelmed and to feel angry.
I know that I’ve definitely been in that position. Emotions are not something we should suppress.
On the other hand, getting stuck in your emotions doesn’t help you grow. It doesn’t help you move on.
So, learning to work through them is vital to your recovery. It takes time and it’s difficult at times, but it’s totally worth it.
You’re allowed to feel angry, you’re allowed to cry, you’re allowed to feel sad. Don’t try to push through them.
Use this as a learning opportunity
I know that your heart is broken, and you feel like you’ve been emotionally tortured for years.
Your brain may have created a series of worst-case scenarios where your ex is still in love with you, and if you break up with him, he’s going to be heartbroken and suicidal.
Whatever the case may be, you have a good opportunity to see the world in a different way.
Rather than focusing on what you would be losing in the breakup, try putting all of your energy into appreciating the things that you have now.
You have the opportunity to date again. You have the opportunity to get over your ex.
Your new relationship might even teach you a few things about yourself.
Keep moving forward. You have to get through the first few months. You have to get past your ex.
Eventually, you’ll find that new relationship that you were looking for, and then you’ll be the one who is heartbroken when that relationship ends.
Don’t despair. You’ll get there. If you’re open to love and are willing to be open to love, there is someone out there who will treat you right.
That’s the really exciting thing about this world.
We’re all going to be disappointed sometimes, but this is a much better way to live.