Boundaries are incredibly important. They are a set of guidelines that protect you, your partner, and yourself in a relationship.
Without boundaries, there is no structure, meaning you feel at the mercy of your partner, which is incredibly unsafe.
Boundaries are also important for your relationship because they define your mutual boundaries.
Boundaries set the rules of the relationship that ensure your safety, comfort, and happiness.
They define what a relationship is for, both the inside and the outside of it.
Boundaries need to be enforced for healthy relationships to exist
They are often hard to establish, and no relationship is without boundaries.
Unfortunately, many people are intimidated by this part of relationships and so avoid it at all costs.
It’s important to remember that boundaries are a necessity.
Without boundaries, both you and your partner will be at the mercy of each other. Your entire relationship will be on trial.
If this is the case, then you are already at a disadvantage from the very beginning, and boundaries aren’t going to help you.
Boundaries are complicated
They require intense communication and introspection about what you want.
If you don’t feel you’re qualified to negotiate these boundaries, then it is extremely important to seek the advice of a professional.
In this article, I want to talk about how you can enforce your boundaries, and create a relationship that is safe for both you and your partner.
There are three main ways to enforce boundaries:
The first is by directly and clearly communicating them to your partner, which is something I will discuss in more detail.
The second is through engaging in codependency therapy. The third is by having frank and open discussions about what you want.
Here is a detailed breakdown of each of these methods, as well as an explanation of how you should go about putting these into practice.
Conduct a relationship audit
When defining your boundaries, it’s extremely important to sit down with your partner and clear out the relevant details of the relationship.
This means having conversations about sex and values in a very structured and straightforward way.
A simple example would be to have a conversation about what you two like, what you don’t like, and what you would ideally like to develop in the future.
Of course, if you don’t like each other’s sexual tastes, or they don’t like yours, it’s a hard conversation to have.
In this case, you would need to work together to find a compromise that works for both of you.
Other conversations might be about emotions and priorities
If one of you has a big life goal that you are working towards, such as starting a family, you may not like the idea of the other person having a family and no partner.
This is where the importance of taking an introspective, structured approach to boundaries comes into play.
In my opinion, there is no better way to practice boundaries than through good communication.
If there’s a potential problem or difference of opinion, there is no point in keeping it bottled up.
Having this conversation and clearing up the concerns is the best way to get on the same page.
Once you have this conversation, make sure you don’t take it back to your partner. This will only cause further issues in your relationship.
Personally, I like to talk things through with my partner before I am ready to enforce these boundaries.
This way, if I feel they are a threat to my own sense of self, I can put them to bed before they are a problem.
One simple way of enforcing boundaries is by taking stock of your relationship and creating a list of the things you both like and dislike.
Put together a concise list and stick it in a drawer. This way, you will be able to bring it out and reflect on it whenever you want.
Most relationships don’t remain without any problems, and enforcing your boundaries will be a way to safeguard your own feelings of self-worth.
Codependency therapy
Codependency therapy is another effective way of enforcing boundaries and dealing with other, more complex problems.
Codependency is a term used to describe a lot of destructive and unhealthy patterns in relationships, where people partner up in an unhealthy way with someone in an attempt to resolve their own problems.
The underlying mechanism here is a feeling of uncertainty. People will do whatever it takes to alleviate that uncertainty, which usually means becoming dependent on their partner.
In the following example, the codependent person had a painful childhood, which has left them feeling insecure, powerless, and unable to trust anyone.
The solution is to set up healthy boundaries with your partner. This way, you can set your partner free of their own fears and insecurities, and have a relationship that makes you happy.
Relationship boundaries must also be taken into consideration when dealing with codependency issues.
For example, if your partner is getting in the way of your sex life or becoming critical of your life choices, it may be worth consulting a therapist to help you work through your boundaries.
The easiest way to start working on your relationship boundaries is to do some research into the subject.
This is a great way to work through your own fears and concerns and develop a more evolved sense of self.
Cultivating your inner voice
Choosing to create a more mature and balanced relationship will mean you won’t have to keep compromising your own values, goals, needs, or emotions.
Instead, you will be able to focus on creating a solid foundation for a long-term relationship, where both of you will feel connected and supported.
This way, you will be able to look to each other for emotional support, rather than trying to hold on to each other through fear and insecurities.
The best relationship advice you can ever receive is to pay attention to what you feel, rather than what you think.
When you take the time to consider the things that you really want out of life, you will naturally feel like you have more strength and resilience. You will be able to make the choices that work best for you, rather than being swayed by someone else’s wants and needs.
If you can learn to be aware of your own feelings, you will become a stronger person.
